12 Tips To Stay Upbeat When Online Dating
Online dating can sometimes feel very demoralizing. It can cause us to feel burned out, frustrated and even bitter. So how do you avoid this and instead make online dating into the breezy and fun experience it can be? Here are some tips for you.
– Accept that you are going to meet a lot of people online that simply won’t be what you are looking for. That is fine! It’s part of the deal. Don’t be put off if the figures reach into the hundreds (I am not saying this to scare you and it can reach this high if you count every e-mail). With online dating there ARE a lot of messages and back and forth. Accept it and it won’t bother you.
– Have systems for dealing with e-mails and contacts. This can help you prevent burn out and stay motivated. I used to have a standard e-mail that I would use for contacting people which I would just adapt slightly depending on the individual I was contacting. I know this could be perceived as impersonal, in fact it was just an efficient way to manage the process and stay high energy. After you have spent hours typing the perfect e-mail only to have no response (again), you will understand why I suggest this. You can also have different folders into which you put people depending on whether you are interested or not.
– Keep initial e-mails short. I am not suggesting that you don’t bother to get to know people, only that you keep initial e-mails pretty short while you are screening them. If after several short e-mails you are both still interested and communicating then you can go a little deeper with them. This is purely to prevent burn out and handle it if you get lots of e-mails and interest.
– Move to ‘in person’ or telephone quickly. Obviously keep safety in mind, and I encourage my clients to get to a real life date quickly. This is because people can be very different in real life from how they are online, and you will never know if they are going to be a fit for you until you meet them in real life. To this end don’t spend hours messaging back and forth online, otherwise you will waste a lot of time on people that might not be suitable for you.
– Don’t worry if you don’t get replies to the e-mails you send. If this happens to you I know it can feel awful and again don’t take it personally. Sometimes we all go through a dry spell where we get NOTHING. No replies to any of the e-mails we send, no contacts and so on. Don’t panic if this happens to you, however it is worth taking another objective look at what you have written on your profile and the pictures you have posted. The tone of your profile should definitely be friendly, light and cheerful. If you are still having no luck once you have checked your profile, ask a trusted friend to look it over and give you some feedback. Even have them check over some of the messages you are sending out to make sure they read OK.
– In a similar vein if you are a woman and you are waiting to get some messages and nothing comes through, again don’t worry. Read and follow the step above. Also note that this is the one area that I suggest women can be in their masculine energy, just for this initial step. What I mean by this is go ahead and make the first move by contacting and messaging people you like. Online dating sites can be very ‘noisy’ and you can get lost in the shuffle if you don’t make your presence known. Use your masculine energy to contact people and get your systems in place, and then drop right back into your feminine energy once the communication has started.
– Don’t take it personally if they disappear. We’ve all had it happen. You meet someone online, you are chatting with them, it’s all going well, building up nicely, perhaps you are even working up to asking for a date, and then suddenly ‘POOF’ they vanish in a cloud of smoke, never to be seen again. Did you say something awful? Did they die? Well probably not. More likely they were also talking to other people online, and someone else got in there first, or perhaps their ex that they were still secretly in love with showed back up and you had a lucky escape. The point is you will likely never know. And this happens all the time! If you know this it helps take the sting out of it. I always advice my women clients not to get too emotionally involved until you have actually met him in real life, and in fact until he is showing you he is seriously interested in you. Until that time he is just one option for you out of many. Don’t take ‘disappearing’ personally.
– Treat it all with a pinch of salt. Online dating is what it is. And if you can accept it for what it is you will have a much easier time with it. You will meet some oddballs, you will meet some people who you think are awful, you will perhaps meet some people you like and maybe you will meet someone who you can have a relationship with and fall in love with. However whatever else it is, it will be an experience. You will grow as a person because of it and you get to practice interacting with members of the opposite sex. So don’t give in, just be sure to take it with a pinch of salt, laugh with your friends about it and have some fun with it along the way.