You mean I can't use "inappropriate language or sexual references"?! How do they expect us to write these damn profiles? During the day I'm a graphic designer where I BANG out somewhat interesting calendars and logos. It pays the bills. I really enjoy photography and writing especially but my writing is so odd I don't know which niche it would be classified under. Now I'm just POUNDING the pavement, trying to change careers into video editing. But aside from that, I have the two little bundles of joy, my little WIENER dogs. Those LONG backs and short little legs and those BIG floppy ears. They're such great pets. That's probably enough HARD DEEP soul searching for now. I wonder if this will be approved... Oh yeah, I've had the dachsies for 5 years now so all of the wiener jokes are completely out of my system.

Tori is a black and tan dachshund. A very sweet little girl. She can jump through hoops and other doggie tricks but mostly she's the little darling who sleeps by my feet and whose tail always seems to be wagging. Scarlet is a red dachshund, two years younger than Tori. Scarlet is a little more hyper and at the same time a little more focused than Tori. She learned all but one trick from her Tricky Dog class. I got her at 5 weeks because the breeder mixed up the dates. She's my crazy little babygirl. They both tolerate long Resident Evil4 and Zelda sessions.

If they could blog, it would say something like: "Master!@ Are you home yet??!!! Where did you go??!!!!! Are you coming home soon?? Will you bring us a treat!!?? Can we go for a walk?!!?? Oh, yes, a walk, pleeessseeee a walk, oh boy, maybe the dog park!!! Oh please please please please can we go to the dog park!!???? And we can chase tennis balls and play with our friends!!?? Master??!! Where are you??!!! When you come home will you bring us a treat!!??..." And so on...

I am a man seeking a woman age 25 to 37

Every site like this uses the word "ideal". There is no "ideal".

Dogs are the most accepting of creatures. Just don't come near Tori's hole when she's digging it and she'll be your friend for life. Scarlet is a little more shy so don't sniff her butt on the first date, ease into it. And don't even think about messing with her when she's fetching, which is all the time, she'll love you for it.