當我第一次見到我的男朋友, 克里斯托弗, 五年前, I had only one pair of flat shoes – scuffed boots from college. Thinking back on my undergraduate experience, 我懷疑我甚至穿著它們 10 時, 高跟鞋攜帶我的大部分行程，並從類，除非冰英寸塗校園, at which point I relied on a wedge. Alright, 我點綴後者 (有點。) A girly girl in every way, 我不知道如何讓運動褲漂亮或感覺很舒服顯示我的臉上沒有化妝面具, and I never foresaw this changing. But it did, 我希望它為其他婦女, 還有.
這並不是說有什麼不對的妝容和高跟鞋 - 享受其中! Just don’t depend on them. When I look at magazines and the constant barrage of media surrounding us, I don’t have to wonder why so many women are on shaky ground in the confidence department. I share with you the following lessons I’ve learned from my feline companions and the straight-shooting man in my life:
1. 擁抱你的個人標記: On one of my first summer dates with Chris, I panicked about how pale I looked and resorted to self-tanner. When I say I’m pale, 我的意思是我是雪花半透明接壤, so this quick-fix led to nothing but streaks of orange and regret. When he (有意識) 質疑，如果我把自我皮匠, 我來到乾淨 (雖然沒有在字面意義, 因為這一個星期去角質的參與。) He asked me why I would do that considering I had a beautiful and rare skin tone. I’d never heard anyone refer to my skin that way, 我覺得太傻了試圖改變一些獨特的一個產品，它聞到了金屬，離開我的睡衣和白色禮服渾.
我們的合作夥伴希望我們看起來像自己, 我們應該想, 還有. It’s similar to having a dating profile photo that looks nothing like you, photoshopped past the point of recognition. We’re all unique, and those things that make us different also make us stand out from the crowd. Find the confidence to show your real markings and not covet others’.
至於貓, the same holds true. A calico is no more beautifully marked than a tabby – it’s all in the eye of the beholder.
2. 不辱身: 我的兩個貓是微小, 2頃平均身材, and two are large. They do not know this. My biggest cat jumps on the cats half his size and wonders why they aren’t thrilled with the wrestling play date. If only women could stop the body-bashing we both despise and oddly facilitate. We come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, and yet I hear so many of my friends go on and on about perceived body flaws. These perceptions are then coupled with fears about how men view their bodies in comparison to Victoria’s Secret models. That kind of self-talk leads to generalizations we make about not only our own bodies, but bodies in general. I cringe when I hear quotes like, “Real women are curvy.” Beautiful women come in an array of shapes, so let’s embrace whatever figure sees us in our healthiest form. Men don’t want to hear us tear apart our bodies, 我們所有太經常把他們的情況下，他們無法取勝, no matter their responses. Kate Upton, 凱特·溫斯萊特, 和凱特·摩絲都是不同的版本, 但他們都普遍認為是美麗的?
時間最長, 我無法忍受，我的腿不沾，瘦, so imagine my surprise when Chris told me that he loved my legs and recommended that I wear more shorts and skirts. The right person is going to like your body and not force you to reshape it. Always remember that.
3. 享受美食: Ah, the thrill of treats. When I shake that bag of enticement, all six of my cats charge forward at my feet. They love food to the point where it’s an event. Who can blame them? Like so many women, I waged war with food as I suffered the above-noted body shame of not feeling perfectly svelte in a bikini. I weigh five pounds more now than when Chris and I first met, 但換來的, I’ve shared lots of pizza with him during Friday night TV binges. I wouldn’t trade those for any number on the scale. I’m far more comfortable with my body at 31 比我曾在我的青春.
健康飲食是一件美妙的事情, 而且我堅信採取自理 (見下文。) Enjoying life and all its flavors, 雖然, 是一個非常偉大的事情, 還有. Don’t focus so much on your calorie intake that you lose track of enjoying the meal – and the conversation that accompanies it.
4. 好好照顧自己: When my cats are tired, they sleep. (他們都是絕對用盡, 順便說說。) When another cat upsets them or invades a designated space, they have no reluctance in voicing disdain. So often, 我們強調在講我們的頭腦, or we let someone treat us in a way that we wouldn’t treat someone else. 貓, 和男人為此事, 有一種傾向，嘶嘶聲，並結束它, thus moving on with their lives and not holding on to resentment or bitterness. They usually don’t take things so personally, 他們知道，這是更好地讓你的真實感受表現出比進行的行為，後來炸毀.
誠信是至關重要的關係, and the right partner will love you even when you’re less than loveable to the outside world. If you can’t voice what you really want, 那麼如何將你的伴侶給你?
這是這樣一個很難, especially for those of us who strive toward agreeableness. If it’s any help, try to think of wording things in a way that you would not take offense at if they were said to you. That way, you’re saying what you think without having to lose sleep over the issue. The more you do this, the more naturally it will come to you. In my home, 嘶嘶聲和咕嚕都是常見的噪聲, 他們都表示一種尊重: 為他人和自己.
5. 存在於瞬間: I’m always amazed at how my cats watch birds with a focus similar to how Chris plays video games. The old adage of stopping to smell the roses is famous for a reason – which brings me back to high heels.
我的舊鞋子收集了一些華麗的色彩和裝飾帶子, 我仍然有不少對守候在我的衣櫃裡的衣服的權利, or at least for this polar vortex to lose its grip. When Chris and I went on our first trip together to Las Vegas, 我收拾約5對, 想像無盡的亮片和羽毛 (似乎, 在我的腦海, 拉斯維加斯意味著打扮像一個歌女。) How many of those pairs did I end up wearing? Zero. 代替, 我的目標是涼鞋本週擊敗了具體的條, and I remember feeling so thankful I had them. Countless girls struggled around us in platform shoes, crippled by peep-toe torture. I sincerely wanted to offer them a bench and some band-aids, 知道我二十歲出頭的自我會努力和他們一起.
我的貓絕不會錯過松鼠看只是讓他們能夠在地方順利它們的皮毛回來, 我從來沒有可以跟上克里斯有我穿的涼鞋用 4 inch lift. 通常情況下, 最好的休假依靠合理的鞋類和消費小時做幾乎沒有.
生活的全部增長, and relationships can help us better understand ourselves as we stumble and succeed. Likewise, 關係可以從自信中獲益, 誠信負責, and indulging in some treats now and then. 希望, 我們發現嘶嘶聲的良好平衡，並 (大多) 沿途呼嚕聲.