:: 12 Smart Moves for Online Dating

By Steve Nakamoto

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The explosive growth of broadband Internet is making it clear that online dating is here to stay. With today's busy lifestyles, many singles are finding that online dating is both easier, cheaper, and less time consuming than traditional dating methods.

As an introduction to this new way of dating, here are some smart moves to make in order to make your experience more rewarding and less painful:

1. TAKE AN ENLIGHTENED APPROACH: Realize that online dating is nothing more than a different type of introduction. Give it a try for a limited time and make it supplement your overall social plan. Don't make online dating your only connection to the opposite sex, otherwise you'll come across as being lonely or desperate. While meeting eligible love candidates is largely a numbers games (The Law of Averages), realize that it's not how many people don't work out that matters. What does matter is whether there is one who does.

2. DON'T DO IT ALL ALONE: Make this a more fun and interesting activity by involving a friend and doing this online dating adventure together. You can learn more quickly by comparing notes and going through the process together at the same time. This will also take pressure off of you, make you appear less desperate to men, and serve as protection against the weirdo's who may be lurking out there looking for fellow loners.

3. START OFF FRESH AND STAY FRESH: Don't carry any emotional baggage into this new adventure. That means you should eliminate any tendency to complain, condemn, criticize, or be negative about dating, romance, love, or the opposite sex. Your attitude becomes the invisible way to make a great first impression with a new love prospect. With online dating, you have the unique opportunity to get to know the other person without actually seeing or meeting them first. Make your attitude sparkle just as you'd like your best smile to do in a face-to-face meeting.

4. SELECT A GOOD PAYING DATING SITE: Use the more successful pay sites like eharmony. Avoid the free personal ads which are visited by teenagers, married people, and stalkers. The cost of the program is worth it for screening out the freeloaders. You can supplement your efforts by also finding a niche market based on a particular interest you have (DateMyPet.com for pets) or a unique quality that you possess (ethnic background, large-size).

5. WRITE AN EFFECTIVE AD COPY WITH A GREAT PHOTO: Have a talented friend write a good description of you that is short, sweet, and catchy. Don't give out too many details or personal information. Retain an element of mystery, too. Make sure that you have a flattering photo, that is recent, of you alone, and with a spirited smile on your face. Take several sample photos and select the best one. If necessary, include several photos or change them periodically. Don't underestimate the power of a picture. Remember the Chinese proverb that reads: A picture is worth a thousand words.

6. FOLLOW A SAFE INTERNET DATING PATTERN: Limit yourself to 3 correspondences per person. Meet in a public place for coffee in the midday for about an hour. Have something scheduled afterwards (meet a friend) so that you can't be talked into staying around too long. If you feel uncomfortable, bring along a friend and tell the person you're going to meet that they have a bonus chance to meet two people instead of one. If you get through this introduction, then you can proceed with a normal dating pattern, leaving the Internet part behind and forgotten.

7. GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU DON'T WANT: Weed out the losers or potentially dangerous people. Trust your intuition on the downside and your intelligence on the upside. If the person appears strange in any way, be sure to pass on that chance. You may be wrong with this particular person, but you'll be safer in the long run. Some clues of strange behavior include: too many emails too often, sexually explicit language, controlling comments, excessive anger, elusive tactics, and too many hidden secrets or things that seem contradictory.

8. KNOW WHAT YOU DO WANT: Have a clear idea of what you like in a long-term love partner in terms of heart, character, personality, and compatibility. Look for someone with matching relationship goals, harmonious personality, similar core values, and a lifestyle fit. Be cautious at first in order to weed out the bad ones, but be quick to look for the good things that you do want in a love relationship. That will keep you positive and make you attractive to others.

9. DON'T SPOOK THEM AWAY EARLY: If you find someone with excellent potential as a love partner avoid scaring them away by asking too many questions, asking the wrong kind of questions, misrepresenting qualities, appearing too needy, having no other social outlets, friends, or potential suitors. Talk freely about your strengths, but there is no need to dwell or focus on your weaknesses. Let information flow at a normal pace as it is naturally revealed through interaction. Don't fall into the trap of asking or revealing too much information too soon.

10. DON'T MISREPRESENT, BE YOURSELF: Behind a computer terminal a person can be wonderful, unmarried, successful, rich, and all together wonderful, but their reality could be a lot different. Don't be like others who use old photos of themselves and write exaggerated profiles about themselves. Be honest yourself and then ask your prospects in a tactful way to be honest too. If there isn't any honest, there can't be any trust either. That's no way to start any kind of long-term love relationship.

11. TAKE A BREAK TO RECHARGE AND REEVALUATE: Online dating can wear you down if you're not careful. It can also make you less human and more cynical about dating and the opposite sex. That's why I suggest that you only sign up for a 3 month subscription to an online dating service initially. After the 3 months is over, take a break and reevaluate your successes and failures. Maybe you need to change your ad copy or your photo. Like a wise fisherman, maybe you need to change your bait because of what kind of creatures you seem to be attracting. Maybe it's time to try another site in order to see if you attract a different kind of person. But most of all, taking a break will help you regain your perspective so that your next entry into online dating will be optimistic and positive.

12. HAVE FUN OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL: Make this activity fun or don't participate at all. As soon as it becomes a hassle, ruins your self-esteem, or feels like an exercise in frustration, stop doing it and focus on something else in your life. Internet dating can be successful for many people but it depends on making smart moves, maintaining a great attitude, having unyielding patience, and being emotionally ready when luck eventually comes your way.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Online dating is nothing more than a new way to make an introduction. Make only smart moves and avoid the dumb ones in order to keep yourself on the path to love. You never know if the next person is the one for you. And in the game of love, it only takes one to become a winner for life. Good luck and enjoy your journey!

©2005 Steve Nakamoto
Steve Nakamoto is the author of the award-winning Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man.
Steve is a former human relations instructor for Dale Carnegie & Associates and NLP personal development trainer for motivational expert Tony Robbins. He has appeared on over 220 radio and TV talk shows including NBC's "The Other Half." Steve currently serves as the dating/relationship expert on iVillage.com's "Ask Mr. Answer Man" online discussion board. Visit his website for more uncanny advice at www.MenAreLikeFish.com

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