4 Steps to Send the Perfect First Message to a Woman
Last updated: Mar. 31 2020 | 4 min read
Do you want to find the woman of your dreams through online dating? Great, all you have to do is to set up a profile on one of many popular online dating sites and look through the profiles of the registered women.
Don’t just have a look at their pictures. It is always nice to look at a beautiful picture but if you want to find out if you might be made for each other, you should read her profile and see if you have the same interests, hobbies and beliefs.
Once you have looked through a couple of profiles and found at least one girl who you are interested in, it is time to write your first message to her. This is usually the part where most men make at least one mistake. No matter if you are approaching a girl online or offline, starting the conversation in the right way is absolutely crucial.
You might feel ashamed of what I am going to ask you now, but if you are willing to improve your dating life, you should answer the following question honestly:
Have you ever written a first message to a girl that you used before to contact another girl? Maybe your message looked like this:
I had a look at your profile and I think you are really beautiful.
How are you?
If you usually write messages like this, you don’t have to wonder why your online dating efforts are not particularly successful. You won’t impress a woman by writing her the same message that ten other guys sent her before.
In order to skyrocket your online dating success you have to set yourself apart from the masses of people who always use the same lines and the same standardized messages. Once you have set yourself apart, you will have no competition anymore.
1. Personalize the Message
The first mistake that a lot of men make in regards to online dating is that they don’t even invest the time to look for her real name, or to at least personalize the message with her nickname. Some women might call themselves “sweet89” but that doesn’t mean that you won’t find her real name in her dating profile.
I have seen a lot of online dating profiles of women who wrote down their real name somewhere in the profile, even if they used a fake name as their nickname. By putting in the effort to find out her real name, you show that you have read her profile. A lot of women don’t take this for granted and if you are one of the few guys who actually care about more than her picture, they are completely smitten.
In addition to that, we human beings love to hear our name. Even if it is just your first message, she will feel a stronger emotional connection if you address her with her name. In case you don’t find her real name, you should at least personalize your message with her nickname, instead of using a generic “hey”.
2. The Individual Compliment
What is the best compliment you can give to a woman? One that is honest and that she hasn’t heard a million times before. It is very likely that a beautiful woman on an online dating site gets a lot of messages from guys.
Chances are high that they all tell her how beautiful and cute she is. If you are just another guy who writes the exact same line that the last ten guys wrote her, she probably won’t reply. What if you tell her that you think she is beautiful, because her green eyes look friendly and her smile made you smile too?
That’s something that the ten guys who wrote her before didn’t say. Giving a woman an individual compliment is always better than saying the same stuff that other guys already told her. It shows her exactly why you are attracted to her and not to the other hundreds of women who also have pretty pictures.
3. Why is She Special?
Okay, I know that you want to write her because you are attracted to her, or at least to the picture she displays in her profile, but what are the other reasons why you want to get to know her? Sorry but a nice smile and long blond hair should not be the only reasons why you want to get to know a woman on an online dating site.
She will feel special when you change your general compliment into a personal compliment, but she will feel even better when you write her a few reasons why she fascinated you, that have nothing to do with her physical appearance.
If you add one or two reasons why you are interested in her, that are directly related to the personality traits and hobbies that she listed in her profile, your chances of getting a positive reply will be extremely high.
Women want to feel attractive, but they also want to meet men who are interested in more than their physical appearance. By telling her in your first message that you are interested in her looks and her personality, you set yourself apart from all the guys who tell her how beautiful she is, without even noticing the fact that she wrote in her profile how much she loves to take care of other people.
4. Why Are You Perfect for Each Other?
Now you have nearly everything you need for the perfect first message. There is only one ingredient that is still missing. She knows that you like her looks and her personality, but does she also know why you like her personality?
It is pretty obvious why you are attracted to her looks but it is not that obvious why you are interested in her personality. You can of course write that you love the fact that she is well-travelled, but how can she be sure that you don’t just butter her up, without even meaning it.
The last thing you have to do in order to complete the perfect first message is to tell her why you like her hobbies and her personality. Once you have told her that you appreciate her passion for traveling, because you have already traveled all over Asia and want to travel to South America next year, she will realize why you are perfect for each other.