6 Key Questions to Ask Yourself Before Being Immersed in the Dating Pool
Last updated: Oct. 12 2019 | 3 min read
Imagine going to the grocery store for a routine shopping trip. You neglect to make out a list of the things you need, a budget, or even meal ideas.
The array of choices are mind boggling. You don’t know where to look first. You have no system….no method to your madness.
Rest assured that you’ll waste time, forget to pick up some much needed “stock up” items, overspend, and end up making a second trip before the month is over.
A similar sense of chaos and confusion prevails when we’re in the “market” for a mate.
Many of us have no real sense of what we’re looking for, where to look, or how to arrive at making informed choices.
But, it doesn’t have to be that way.
As Socrates once wisely stated: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
With this as our guideline, here are 6 crucial questions you should ask yourself before embarking on that all-important first date.
1. What is my current dating goal? Am I looking for a future spouse? Casual dating? An open relationship? A sugar daddy? The clearer you are, the better you’ll be able to communicate this to a potential partner, and the fairer it will be to them. Even if you don’t articulate it to them, it can help to save time and turmoil in the initial screening process. Think strategy!
2. What are my deal breakers? In other words, what traits, habits, or lifestyle issues are you unwilling to compromise. For instance, some men won’t date women with kids. Some women won’t date guys with a criminal record. And for others, age may be a factor in the overall equation. Though compromise is important to all successful relationships, we should never compromise our core values or the essence of who we are, just to be coupled up with a cutie.
3. What did I learn from my last relationship? There’s great truth to the expression, “Those who fail to learn from the past are destined to repeat it.” Perhaps in hindsight you now recognize that “thugs” are not your thing. Or that you need to communicate your needs better. Lessons differ for each love “student.” The real objective is to identify any destructive or disserving dating patterns to avoid repetition. Get the idea here?
4. Is my search governed by realistic expectations? Having a laundry list of lofty preferences will only frustrate and prolong the process. For example, some women aspire to find a mate who is six feet tall, making six figures, who has never been married, speaks 3 languages, and loves pets. Is it possible? Sure.
Likely? About as much as me marrying my celebrity crush, Keanu Reeves. Get a clue.
5. Is this the best time to get my feet wet? Am I looking for a rebound to replace a former relationship? Do I have the time and energy to devote to being an equal partner in a relationship? Have I healed from past wounds? These are important things to consider. And only you know the real deal.
6. What’s my game plan? Will I sign up for an online dating service? Ask my friends to fix me up? Is my wardrobe “date ready?” Do I need to lose weight? Will I date twice a week or twice a month? As with all serious goals, a game plan needs to be in place to serve as a compass, keep us committed, and keep us on course.
“To thine self be true.” If you’d like to increase the odds of finding the right mate and creating more compatible relationships, get to know yourself first.