How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams
Last updated: Feb. 27 2021 | 5 min read
I am a woman, a woman who went on many dates with men, back in my dating days. So I got to see a lot of different behaviours, ideas and approaches to dating. I am going to share with you the inside scoop about what really works for men dating women, and also what to avoid like the plague when you are out there on a date or communicating with a woman.
Make Sure You Practice These Attraction Builders
Romance her – We women become attracted to a man through feeling connected, this is a little different from how it works for most men I believe. So we can meet a man and not feel at all attracted, however after spending time with him he can win us over and we totally fall for him. This happens ALL the time. So use this. Romance her. Don’t worry about seeming old fashioned – I do not know of a single woman who will not feel amazing when a man takes care to be romantic with her. She WILL notice the extra effort you go to, the flowers, pulling back her chair, getting the door and so on. Even if in her head she believes it to be old fashioned, in her heart she will just melt, and that is where it is important for you to have an effect!
Offer to pay – This really ties in with the above. Whatever hang-ups you have about paying I suggest you drop them and foot the bill if you want to make a good impression. Want to know why? Read my article about who should pay on a first date.
Compliment her (but not too much) – A small, genuine compliment goes a very long way to making a woman feel good, and can melt even the coldest heart. However beware of over-doing it. You can come across as insecure if every other word out of your mouth is a compliment.
Use fun to break the ice – Dating can be a tense experience whilst you are getting to know her so break the ice by planning something hands on and fun, rather than the tension filled bar date or dinner which can turn out more like a job interview! Go here: unique dating ideas for some great ideas and read here: plan an first amazing date to find out how to build connection.
Build tension – Tension building and sexual escalation are tried and tested techniques that have long been used by men to increase attraction with a woman they like. This does NOT mean you become a sex pest, however a bit of fun, playful flirting can really hot things up. Teasing is another great way to build sexual chemistry as long as it is not overdone. I once dated a guy who used this as his main way to interact with a woman. At first it was fun, but after an hour or two it was plain exhausting. Also, part of tension building is to maintain your own life and independence, even when you are falling for a woman.
Avoid These Dating Mistakes
Being Whiney – People who whine excessively about things are such a turn off. Seriously. I am sure you can relate if you know someone who moans all the time. You may think that is not you, however, just check into that. Sometimes we moan and whine without even realizing it. Do you like to complain with your mates? Do you moan about: the weather, your work, the state of the economy, the women you date? Chances are if you do it with your friends then you do it when you are dating, and it can seriously put a woman off. Become conscious of what you are talking about on your dates, and the language you are using.
Showing major insecurity – OK so we all have some insecurities, and I am not one for bottling up emotion, however a first date is not the place to air your insecurity about whether you are attractive to the opposite sex, because I assure you that you won’t be if you do that! The odd woman may find it endearing however that would be a serious minority. For most women this will have us running cold. I once dated a guy who started asking me whether I thought he was attractive on the first date, and the way he did showed me it was coming from a place of insecurity. He wouldn’t drop it. He kept asking me, did I find him attractive? And then he started saying there was no point dating if I didn’t find him attractive and he got quite funny about it. The truth was I was still making up my mind how I felt (remember attraction works differently for us women) however with each time he mentioned it my attraction went down. Effectively he talked himself out of getting another date. Work out your issues in therapy, or at home by yourself, not on your dates. Also note – insecurities and emotions are different!
Bitching about your ex – This for me is one of the worst offenders and it will put me off a good guy quicker than chocolate melts on a hot day. OK, so your ex may have been the biggest b*tch in the whole world, and left you broken hearted with five children to bring up, but the woman you are dating doesn’t know you yet. If you start bad mouthing your ex she will relate more to your ex than to you. Also she will worry about the judgements you will make about her. Bringing up ex’s early on in dating is just bad form and totally unnecessary (in fact I make a good case for not bringing ex’s into your relationship ever!) What matters is who you are NOW, with the lady in front of you.
Having major hang ups (these look like red flags to us!) – See all the above. Hang ups can also include ranting about the terrible dates you have been on, complaining that she hasn’t called you because it makes you feel insecure, slagging off all the dates you have been on, moaning about paying the bill etc. It’s time to put your big boy pants on. Sometimes life can see unfair, but if you want to get ahead in the dating game sometimes you just have to suck it up! Otherwise you will just stew in your own juices. I hope that you choose to get out there, drop the hang-ups and just enjoy dating for the fun, unpredictable, and sometimes crazy experience it can be.
And in the end…
Forget all the above and just be yourself! – Yes I really did just say that. Learning and following lists of guidelines can sometimes make you stiff and unnatural on your dates. So while it is great to read advice and mull it over to allow it to sink it, don’t worry about getting it perfect. Take all dating advice as a guideline rather than an absolute must. Try things out for yourself and above all remember to just relax and have fun!