Who Says You Can’t Hurry Love?
Last updated: Jan. 17 2020 | 2 min read
Can you really kindle the flames of love in 90 minutes or less? And why 90 minutes and not 27 minutes or 6 hours? It sounds crazy and shallow or does it? When I published my first book, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, people thought it was crazy and shallow too, until they learned that we actually decide whether or not we like people in the first two seconds of seeing them. By the time 90 seconds have passed, you can be well on your way to turning a first impression into a lasting relationship, be it for friendship, business, or romance. Whether they are aware of it or not, so-called socially gifted people you know, those people who can just walk into a room full of strangers and strike up a compelling conversation with anyone send out signals with their bodies and speak in ways that make other people immediately like, trust, and feel comfortable with them. Once you know what they do and how they do it, you can create that kind of first impression too.
In friendship and business, this precious 90 seconds can have you off to a flying start. Given the right circumstances, with both of you sending certain signals and talking in a certain way at the right time, it can also be a prelude to love, taking you from attraction to connection to intimacy to commitment. For a small percentage of couples, these events unfold almost instantaneously, causing them to fall in love at first sight. Most couples intuitively sense the process but have to fumble their way through by trial and error before weeks, months, or sometimes even years later they finally click. But the process doesn’t have to be so
protracted and you don’t have to leave it to chance.
In order to write this book, I studied men and women all over the world as they connected and made an emotional impact on one another. I analyzed almost two thousand romantic relationships from couples who fell in love at first sight to those who were friends for years before becoming romantically involved. I spoke to couples who’d been together for 50 years and teenagers who’d been passionately in love for a few months. I interviewed past and present partners of the same men and women to discover what they got wrong the first time, what they learned from their experiences, and how they got it right with their new partners. I even spoke to gigolos in the sunshine resorts of southern Europe to learn their secret for making instant connections with men and women, anywhere, anytime, and without hesitation. I talked with people who had lost partners to illness or accidents, and had believed they could never love again until circumstance brought new love into their lives. I gave seminars and workshops to test the ideas in this book, and as a consequence got invited to weddings. I have known and worked with desperately insecure and physically disadvantaged folk who, miracle of miracles, found enduring romance beyond their wildest dreams even after they had given up
all hope. This latter group reinforced something I have always known: There is someone for everyone and they often find each other when they least expect it.
Ninety minutes is as long as you’ll need to look deeply enough into another person to get a strong feeling for what makes them tick and to allow them to look deeply enough into you to do the same.