Online Dating Getting You Down?
Last updated: Sep. 22 2020 | 3 min read
You know how it is when you have just sent that hundredth unanswered e-mail, that nice man/woman you were chatting to turned out to be married, that one you really liked has disappeared without a word and the person you met up with last week must have posted a picture that was at least ten years old because he didn’t look anything like it in the flesh! It can be pretty disheartening.
It’s not that you mean to be snobby, and the truth is it can feel like everyone you meet online is either playing games, seeking sex, angry with a chip on their shoulder about their ex, has been hit by an ugly stick and then photo-shopped their pictures to make them look like a model or they are just plain nuts! If that sounds harsh it isn’t meant to, and that is really how it can feel sometimes in the world of online dating. Especially if you get jaded! Sadly all of this can make you feel tired, frustrated and burned out. In some cases it may even make you question whether there is someone out there for you!
At worst case I have known people to throw in the towel completely, proclaiming that online dating doesn’t work, or that it is just for weirdos, or whatever version of the story you tell yourself. Look I am not saying it doesn’t feel bad when you seem to experience one disappointment after another, however what can make all the difference here is a small change in perspective – just a little ‘tweak’ to the lens through which you look at online dating.
What you have to remember here is that online dating opens up your ‘target market’, meaning that it is much bigger than it would have been back when dating used to take place between just the men and ladies from your local surrounding area. And this means you are going to meet all different types of people. Not all of them are going to be your kind of people, and you won’t always be theirs either. This applies to you regardless of how wonderful you are and how much of a catch you may be. In the world of online dating it doesn’t make much difference, there is just a certain amount of ‘rough and tumble’. And probably a certain ‘volume’ of people you are likely to meet before you actually meet ‘the one’, (unless you are very lucky). And remember what is one person’s trash is another’s treasure. The problem comes when we take the whole thing personally.
The other thing to remember is that when we used to date the old fashioned way, ie meeting people face to face, we would usually know a little bit about them first, even if it was only what they actually look like in real life. However with online dating you don’t, so you are going to come across lots of people that you wouldn’t have chosen to date if you had met them in person. Even reading profiles isn’t going to give you much idea, because after all, people present only their best side on their profile. Let’s be honest, it is unlikely that anyone would write ‘grumpy, selfish narcissist with halitosis and slightly receding hair seeks nice woman to cook his dinners for him’.
Therefore it is par for the course that you will encounter some people that you would prefer to avoid like the plague. And some you are just not interested in. Some won’t be interested in you. Some will seem interested and then vanish. If you can accept that ALL of this is part and parcel with online dating then you will fare a lot better. That way you can simply smile, laugh to yourself and say ‘NEXT’. Then get right back on the horse.
Don’t get disheartened. Make this one little tweak to your attitude about online dating, and then get out there and have some fun interacting with lots of different people. Chat, flirt, go on some dates, enjoy yourself, and who knows, perhaps your ‘the one’ is just around the next corner.